Student Swears in Class, Receives Lethal Injection

RAYLAND—12-year-old Michael Kowalski was reportedly executed by guidance counselors at Buckeye Local High School on Monday morning. School officials say that the 7th grader called his teacher an inappropriate name during class.

"We simply don't condone that sort of behavior in our school district," said Principal Coy Sudvary. "His language was contagious and could have spread throughout the school, so we had to take steps to make sure that it never happens again."

Kowalski was injected with 5 grams of sodium thiopental, a drug that inhibits a person's ability to breathe. Parents in the district praised the decision to execute him humanely.

"Spanking children is just so cruel," said Janet DiNapoli. "I'm glad to see that our schools are finding solutions for dealing with troublesome kids."

Some teachers were worried that Kowalski may be subject to bullying after the incident.

"Little Mikey was crying very loudly in the hallway as we drug him to the execution room," said science teacher Lisa Douglas. "Some of his friends might make fun of him for that. Others might think he was faking being dead."

Kowalski's friends stared at the ground in disbelief, obviously shell-shocked, when we tried to interview them.

Once again, as always, elder citizens of the valley said that they do not like the direction that society is taking.

"In my day we treated our teachers with respect," said Yorkville resident Everett Reed. "We dressed like gentlemen and called our teachers 'Ma'am' and 'Sir'."

Reed, 79, is a Korean War veteran and retired mechanic. He says that he tries to teach his grandchildren to behave as he did in the 1950s.

"That was me in '41 at age 16," said Reed, showing us a picture (right) of a greasy rebel smoking a cigarette.