Valley Gets Ready For LSD Trip, Reverse Weather Day and Planned Tornado

It's shaping up to be another wacky weekend in the Ohio Valley. Everybody is dropping acid Thursday, so the weather on that day is going to vary from person to person. As long as you go in with a positive attitude, you'll have a great time!

Friday's weather is going to provide the Valley with a rare treat. Rain will come up from the ground and fly back into the clouds and wind will blow upward as well. The high temperature will be 27 degrees and the low temperature will be 75, while the sun will be out during the night! Reverse weather only happens once every 42.7 trillion years, so you'll want to remember this one!

Bellaire got permission from the federal government to launch a planned tornado on Saturday. The plan is for the tornado to blow all the litter away from the Ohio Valley. The effects will be felt all across the Valley, so hold on to something tight!

On Sunday, you're going to win the lottery, so who gives a Flying J about the weather? That song from Legally Blonde will suit you on Sunday.

Too bad you have to go back to work on Monday. It's going to suck. The coffee machine in the break room is going to break (ironic, right?), and that idiot you work with is going to ask you to proofread his stupid novel again.

As always, Ohio Valley News has got your back, bro! Tune in for next week's 5 day forecast!

Ohio Valley Will Have Estonia's Weather This Weekend

Good morning, afternoon, evening or night! We don't have to tell you what the weather's like today because you can just figure it out by going outside! Hooray!

Tomorrow, which is Friday if you forgot what comes after today, there's going to be all sorts of blowing stuff outside. Winds are expected to reach speeds close to 200 mph, so if you like NASCAR (who are we kidding, of course you do) you'll know exactly how fast we're talking about! Roger's Flea Market is expected to be in full swing tomorrow, so if you see stuff flying off of tables hurry up and grab it! It's yours!

Saturday is of course National Estonia Day and the Ohio Valley plans to honor the European country by having whatever weather Estonia does. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity for valley people to experience what life is really like in Europe.

As always, Sunday will be absolutely perfect. Ice Cube's 1993 hit song 'It Was a Good Day' will be played on repeat at full volume outside of the courthouse in Steubenville all day.

Monday will have a song of its own; 'Taps' will play once midnight strikes. You're all going to feel really pessimistic as you return to work and Wheeling officials will be handing out free SSRIs.

Thanks for choosing Storm Stalkers for your weekend weather report! From the area's worst team of meteorologists, we'll see ya next time!

No Weather At All This Saturday

It's going to be a wild day for weather today. Temperatures will be at 60 degrees when you wake up but will plummet down to about 22 below zero once the sun comes up. There will most certainly be all three types of precipitation out, so all you rain lovers out there will get your wish.

Friday's weather is contingent upon your location. It's going to be as cold as ice down in Wheeling but blazing hot in the Steubenville area.

There won't be any weather at all on Saturday, as the Earth's atmosphere is scheduled to be down for routine maintenance.

Sunday and Monday's forecasts are the exact same as they always are. On Sunday you can expect to walk around the city without fear of being mugged and people will absolutely break into song with you no matter what tune you sing. Monday is of course Back to Work Day, with scattered bursts of contagious depression and weather that will make you happy when you see Sarah McLachlan come on TV.

From the area's worst team of meteorologists, thanks for choosing OVN for your weekend weather report! Stop back next week!