Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Liopleurodon Spotted at Jefferson Sportsman's Club

This picture of a Liopleurodon was taken
 at Jefferson Sportsman's Club.
BLOOMINGDALE -- A picture that made rounds through social media today has been confirmed by Ohio Department of Natural Resources to depict a massive Liopleurodon. Liopleurodons are ancient marine reptiles originally believed to have gone extinct after the last one died at the St. Louis Zoo approximately 150 million years ago.

The picture was taken by amateur biologist Wilhelm Clifton, a member of the sportsman's club, who immediately posted the picture to Facebook to warn the Ohio Valley of impending doom. Other local amateur biologists confirmed that it was indeed a Liopleurodon.

"I knew what it was the second I saw that there thing," said Bloomingdale resident Patsy Spurrington, an amateur zoologist. "They had them things on the Discovery Channel once so I recognized it right away."

Of course, the sighting of such a rare creature also brought along its fair share of conspiracy theories.

A Liopleurodon
"These are incredibly dangerous animals," said local amateur paleontologist Waldo Hearst. "The game warden should be tracking it, yet nobody is. What aren't they telling us?"

Other amateur scientists on Facebook theorized that local restaurants have hidden the Liopleurodons from the general public.

"It's a well known fact that Undo's does not use real meat in their food," said amateur sociopath Brian Adkins. "Liopleurodon meat is incredibly delicious and it only takes one to supply an entire restaurant for a year. What aren't they telling us?"

The sighting shouldn't come as a surprise for the Ohio Valley due to the close proximity of Jefferson Sportsman's Club to the Magical Fernwood Forest, where a saber-toothed tiger was spotted last year as well as a pack of sentient unicorns.

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