Kasich Approves $100 Grant to Steubenville High School

Kasich delivered five 20-dollar bills to superintendent
 Melinda Young.

STEUBENVILLE -- Expressing his deep concern for troubled inner-city students, Ohio governor John Kasich personally delivered a $100 grant to Steubenville City Schools this morning. The presidential hopeful told reporters that he was just doing his job.

"I knew I had to intervene when I heard about these poor children who were unable to purchase basic school supplies," Kasich said. "I saw that spiral notebooks were going for 17 cents a pop at Walmart, so this should be enough for five hundred or so."

Kasich said that although Steubenville students have it rough, they should be thankful that local prices are relatively low compared to the rest of the state.

"We bought Orange High School students Toshiba and Acer notebooks," said Kasich. "Those things cost about six-hundred dollars!"

Although thankful for the money they received, some entitled parents said that the money was not enough.

"My daughter has six different classes that she needs a notebook for," said Ashley Madison, an angry mother. "How do you expect her to cram it all in there?"

Kasich offered the concerned parents a solution.

"My staff and I have worked long nights to address this issue,"the governor said. "We have made a list of local thrift stores that sell used notebooks and pencils. Even you inner-city people can afford that."

Parents of neighboring school districts voiced their displeasure to the governor after his visit, saying that Kasich needs to address their districts' problems as well.

"I know, I know," Kasich said. "Times are tough. I'm setting up a GoFundMe account for every school district in Ohio. The goal is $10 million per school. If you really want the money, you'll raise it no time."