Wednesday, October 29, 2014

OVN Special: The Best Drinks at the Valley's Favorite Bars!

TJ's Restaurant
THE OHIO VALLEY - We've made it through hump-day, but do you know where you're going to drown your sorrows this weekend? OVN can help! We've been thrown out of every bar in the valley, and we can tell you what to order at some of the best ones around!

The first bar on our tour is the one in the picture to the right, TJ's Restaurant in Wheeling. They have many TVs inside, so it's the best place to catch the game with your buddies this weekend. No trip to TJ's would be complete without a special 12 oz. bottle of Bud Light. It's the perfect drink for the atmosphere at TJ's.

After you leave TJ's, you might want to stumble on down the street to Generations Pub. It's a short walk down National Road, and there's a stage out back for live music! While you're there, you may want to try out local favorite Bud Light. They have it on tap year-round, but you want to order it early in the night before it runs out.

If you're the more adventurous kind of drinker, head on down to the Barton Trap in the eponymous town outside of St. Clairsville. It's a beautiful establishment in the center of town, and has been a Valley staple for years. We definitely recommend you order a nice, refreshing Bud Light when you go. It comes in bottles, and they have it on draught as well.

If Barton's too hard to find, stick to the river and head on over to the Gridiron Pub in Bridgeport where you can hang out with biker dudes. Bikers love Gridiron, and who could blame them? Gridiron is the home of one of the more infamous drinks on this list: Bud Light. It's a tasty beverage, but if you drink too many of them, you should consider taking a cab home.


Heading north up Route 7, you might come across Bill's Famous Ribs in Yorkville. While Bill Mazeroski might be famous for his BBQ, he's even more famous for his drink menu. The highlight of that menu is Bud Light. Some call it a seasonal beer, but Bill's serves it year-round. Nothing goes better with Bill's ribs than a Bud Light to wash it down.

If you aren't too drunk by now, head up to Steubenville and check out The Spot Bar. There's all different kinds of drinks you could order there, but why waste your time on them when you could sit back and drink a Bud Light? It's not on the menu, but the bartender will know what to pour you.

If you can make it across the river to Weirton, look for a place called Shooterz. These guys have a drink for all occasions. If you're down on your luck, girlfriend dumped you or your boss told you to arrive to work on time, ask for a Bud Light. If it's the weekend and you just want to party, then a Bud Light might be a better choice for you. For celebrations, order a round of Bud Lights for you and your friends. You deserve it.

If you're still in Steubenville and find yourself near Route 213, do not skip Frank's House. Only at Frank's will you get to hang out with kids who go to Franciscan University, and you don't want to miss a chance to party with those guys. If you want to fit in, make sure you order a Fuzzy Navel or a Sex on the Beach.

1 comment:

  1. Other popular local drinks:

    Sex on the Beech Bottom --- Less filling. Tastes like ass.

    Moondogshine --- I finally found the ride of a lifetime.

    Wheeling Island Iced Tea --- Equal parts crackhead, drunk, hooker and elderly degenerate gambler. Splash of cat urine for added color.

    Hare of the Dog --- A Krishna Klassic... 1 part patchouli, 1 part crickwater and 4 parts stank. Garnish with a doobie.

    Rum and Coke Plant --- This drink no longer exists. It has been officially shut down.

    Funky Cold Adena --- I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener. You must must be sure that your girl is pure for the Funky Cold Adena.

    Bell-Dirty Martini --- Use only the cheapest vodka from Rite-Aid. Garnish with a generous chunk of olive loaf.

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