OVN Special: The Best Drinks at the Valley's Favorite Bars!

TJ's Restaurant

THE OHIO VALLEY - We've made it through hump-day, but do you know where you're going to drown your sorrows this weekend? OVN can help! We've been thrown out of every bar in the valley, and we can tell you what to order at some of the best ones around!

The first bar on our tour is the one in the picture to the right, TJ's Restaurant in Wheeling. They have many TVs inside, so it's the best place to catch the game with your buddies this weekend. No trip to TJ's would be complete without a special 12 oz. bottle of Bud Light. It's the perfect drink for the atmosphere at TJ's.

After you leave TJ's, you might want to stumble on down the street to Generations Pub. It's a short walk down National Road, and there's a stage out back for live music! While you're there, you may want to try out local favorite Bud Light. They have it on tap year-round, but you want to order it early in the night before it runs out.

If you're the more adventurous kind of drinker, head on down to the Barton Trap in the eponymous town outside of St. Clairsville. It's a beautiful establishment in the center of town, and has been a Valley staple for years. We definitely recommend you order a nice, refreshing Bud Light when you go. It comes in bottles, and they have it on draught as well.

If Barton's too hard to find, stick to the river and head on over to the Gridiron Pub in Bridgeport where you can hang out with biker dudes. Bikers love Gridiron, and who could blame them? Gridiron is the home of one of the more infamous drinks on this list: Bud Light. It's a tasty beverage, but if you drink too many of them, you should consider taking a cab home.

Heading north up Route 7, you might come across Bill's Famous Ribs in Yorkville. While Bill Mazeroski might be famous for his BBQ, he's even more famous for his drink menu. The highlight of that menu is Bud Light. Some call it a seasonal beer, but Bill's serves it year-round. Nothing goes better with Bill's ribs than a Bud Light to wash it down.

If you aren't too drunk by now, head up to Steubenville and check out The Spot Bar. There's all different kinds of drinks you could order there, but why waste your time on them when you could sit back and drink a Bud Light? It's not on the menu, but the bartender will know what to pour you.

If you can make it across the river to Weirton, look for a place called Shooterz. These guys have a drink for all occasions. If you're down on your luck, girlfriend dumped you or your boss told you to arrive to work on time, ask for a Bud Light. If it's the weekend and you just want to party, then a Bud Light might be a better choice for you. For celebrations, order a round of Bud Lights for you and your friends. You deserve it.

If you're still in Steubenville and find yourself near Route 213, do not skip Frank's House. Only at Frank's will you get to hang out with kids who go to Franciscan University, and you don't want to miss a chance to party with those guys. If you want to fit in, make sure you order a Fuzzy Navel or a Sex on the Beach.

New Stop Sign in Cadiz is Only a Suggestion

via Google Street View

CADIZ - The intersection of Industrial Park Road and Grant Street in Cadiz has been the location of several car accidents. Cadiz officials recently placed a 'stop suggestion' sign on the intersection. Cadiz police chief Ryan McCann says that the sign is meant to make people drive safer while not necessarily getting on their nerves.

"We don't want people to think that we're assholes or anything," said McCann. "But people should stop there instead of blindly driving through it."

Residents say that car accidents in Cadiz are particularly devastating due to the types of vehicles being driven there.

"There's only two or three types of cars here," said Wally Custard. "There's coal trucks and then there's pickup trucks. It makes one hell of a noise when those things collide."

Custard said that he thinks it's nice of the town to allow citizens the flexibility to decide whether they want to stop or not.

"If you're in a hurry I say go for it," said Custard. "But you really should consider the sign's advice."

Cadiz officials say they plan on putting up more 'suggestion signs' all across town, including suggested routes to Steubenville or New Philadelphia and traffic lights that also give you the option to pass through them if you want.

Steubenville Police Getting Bored of Shootings

STEUBENVILLE - In a press conference early Saturday morning, Steubenville police chief Bill McAfferty urged local criminals to be more creative.

"I never thought my life was going to go this way," said McAfferty. "Life's getting boring around Steubenville because there's pretty much just shootings every day."

For motivation, McAfferty pointed criminals toward video games.

"Haven't you guys played Grand Theft Auto V?" he asked. "Go rob a bank! Steal a helicopter! If you want a rival gang member dead, wouldn't the job be much easier with Hellfire missiles?"

McAfferty told reporters that he wants to live out his dream 'cop scenario' before he retires.

"You should go kidnap a small child under the age of 10, and hold her at gunpoint while you rob the bank," he said. "And it would be really cool if you could hide a bomb somewhere in the Martin Luther King Recreation Center as a distraction."

He also hinted that he would not be opposed to a city-wide riot and releasing all the prisoners in the Jefferson County Jail.

"The secret passcode to get access is located in a briefcase hidden in Fort Steuben," he said. "All you have to do is put the code in at the jail and you'll release all the prisoners!"

Valley Gets Ready For LSD Trip, Reverse Weather Day and Planned Tornado

It's shaping up to be another wacky weekend in the Ohio Valley. Everybody is dropping acid Thursday, so the weather on that day is going to vary from person to person. As long as you go in with a positive attitude, you'll have a great time!

Friday's weather is going to provide the Valley with a rare treat. Rain will come up from the ground and fly back into the clouds and wind will blow upward as well. The high temperature will be 27 degrees and the low temperature will be 75, while the sun will be out during the night! Reverse weather only happens once every 42.7 trillion years, so you'll want to remember this one!

Bellaire got permission from the federal government to launch a planned tornado on Saturday. The plan is for the tornado to blow all the litter away from the Ohio Valley. The effects will be felt all across the Valley, so hold on to something tight!

On Sunday, you're going to win the lottery, so who gives a Flying J about the weather? That song from Legally Blonde will suit you on Sunday.

Too bad you have to go back to work on Monday. It's going to suck. The coffee machine in the break room is going to break (ironic, right?), and that idiot you work with is going to ask you to proofread his stupid novel again.

As always, Ohio Valley News has got your back, bro! Tune in for next week's 5 day forecast!

St Clairsville Police Chief Anxiously Awaits Anonymous Call at Sketchy Phone Booth

MOJAVE DESERT - Jeff Henry, police chief from St. Clairsville, was spotted somewhere in the desolate Mojave Desert near a run-down, but functional phone booth. Henry told reporters he was awaiting a call from a man who calls himself the 'Mysterious Stranger'.

"I was approached the other day in the bar by a man wearing a hood," said Henry. "I couldn't see his face, but he asked me if I would like to have my life back."

The Stranger reportedly offered Henry 'a way out.'

"He told me that he could make this all disappear," Henry continued. "All I had to do was travel to southern Nevada and answer a simple phone call."

Henry, who was named police chief last year, is currently under investigation for trading weapons to The Islamic State (formerly ISIL, formerly ISIS), but Henry insists that he was framed.

"There's a mole in the St. Clairsville Police Department," he said. "I'm hoping that the Mysterious Stranger can help me uncover the secret."

Henry is still waiting for his phone call, but one can be sure that the adventure that will follow will include plot twists, romance and maybe even a hint of betrayal.