"Just look at those sad little squirrels," said program director Clifford Meyer. "You meanies hurt their feelings."
ESPN Courtroom commentator Brent Musburger told OVN that the new logo is an excellent move to buy sympathy from Belmont County common pleas judge Frank Fregatio.
"Judge Fregatio has a soft spot for woodland critters," Musburger said. "This is a huge move, but keep in mind that we don't know how Judge Solovan would react. Remember, he's the one that banned gladiator battles against lions in Shadyside."
The lawsuit was filed by attorney Christopher Gagin, who showed signs of remorse during an interview with Ohio Valley News.
"What have I done?" Gagin asked himself. "Look at what I did to those poor squirrels, they're crying their little eyes out."
Gagin then returned to the Belmont county courthouse to file a lawsuit against himself.
"Hopefully I can find closure and clean up this mess I've created," he said. "The only way to do that is to disbar myself."
A court hearing is set for April 2. Hundreds of squirrels in Belmont and Jefferson counties received subpoenas and will be required to testify under oath. Officials say that applications for squirrel translators are being accepted.
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