Monday, September 29, 2014

News 7 Changes Name to WTF News (Definitely Jake Kauffman's Idea)

WHEELING - Citing a need to expand the station's audience, WTRF officials announced today that they will change the channel's format yet again. In an interview with himself Monday morning, Tate Blanchard said that News 7 was granted permission by the FCC to drop the 'R' from 'WTRF'.

"What brought about the decision to change pace again?" Blanchard asked himself, before getting up and changing chairs. "Well it was an idea that's been floating around here for a long time. I personally don't know who started it, but it sounds like something Jake Kauffman would think of."

Under the new name, WTF News will function as the Ohio Valley's competitor to Inside Edition, focusing on wacky news stories and local gossip.

"It's going to be just like going to bingo with your grandmother," said Blanchard. "I know Jake Kauffman is a regular on the local bingo circuit, that's why I think it was his idea."

Blanchard told himself that the station will move away from its current animated news format, in which the news is presented by the cast of Brickleberry, in order to reach a new audience.

"Unfortunately, our viewership was limited to residents of the Ohio Valley," he said. "We couldn't get people in our target markets, like Orlando, Los Angeles and Detroit, to be interested in Wheeling news. Hopefully we'll find more success in this direction."

When he asked himself why he was so insistent on blaming Jake Kauffman for the change in format, Blanchard got angry with himself and stormed out of the interview, all on live television.

"You know what, that's really none of your business Tate," he said. "This interview is over!"

As he walked off, WTF News debuted its signature out cue, a live audience yelling 'What The F***!?'

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