Friday, September 13, 2013

Jill's Gentleman's Club Adds 5,000 Sq. Ft. Kids Corner

TRIADELPHIA - Parents looking to spend a night
out don't have to worry about finding a babysitter for their annoying children any longer. Jill's Gentleman's Club completed construction of a 5,000 sq. ft. addition which will house the new Jill's Kids Corner.

"We're really excited about our new building," said Jill's spokeswoman Candy Bubbles. "We're expecting attendance to skyrocket now that parents can take their kids with them to the strip club."

The new building will host a variety of activities for children, including an arcade where tickets won at games can be traded in for prizes. 

"We're giving the kids a chance to win Jill's related merchandise," said Bubbles. "Oh nothing to inappropriate!" she added quickly. "Just some things they can play with to keep themselves busy."

Prizes that are being offered for the tickets include pairs of fuzzy handcuffs, video cameras, and inflatable dolls of their favorite pop stars.

"We have all sorts of other activities lined up too," Bubbles told us. "We have many different educational classes that we're sure kids will love."

Many of the kids selected for the trial run seemed to enjoy the classes at the Kid's Corner, which are taught by the club's exotic dancers.

"I really liked Ms. Kitty!" said 8-year old Madelyn Connors. "She told us all about how how she started working on the streets in Wheeling to help her family!"

Classes are usually about 45 minutes long. We sat in on a class called "The Art of Twerking", which featured a video of pop idol Miley Cyrus. Local parents said they were very enthusiastic about the club's decision to expand.

"It's about damn time," said Rufus Stillman of Beech Bottom. "I'm a single dad, and I don't have enough money to keep paying that idiot babysitter. Now I have enough to get drunk, get my lap dances, and have my little Kaylee somewhere where she's safe."

Kaylee, 14, said that her relationship with her father improved dramatically after he started taking her to Jill's.

"He used to get on me all the time and act like he was the boss of me," she said. "But now we hang out  together and I know what I want to do for the rest of my life."

No comments:

Post a Comment