Animal Rights Groups Make Big Deal About Oglebay Letting Kids Slaughter Zoo Animals

WHEELING - The Good Zoo at Oglebay recently came under scrutiny from PETA, the ALF, liberals and other animal rights groups after the zoo announced plans for its newest exhibit. On Monday a spokesperson for Oglebay Resort told reporters that starting this summer, families will have the option to buy a pass that lets them eat any animal in the zoo. Tickets start at $150 each and were available to pre-order following the announcement. Sales set a new record previously held by Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II. Still, despite the enthusiasm shown locally, criticism quickly sprang up from around the nation. PETA president Ingrid Newkirk is traveling to Charleston to petition the state to put a stop to what Oglebay is dubbing the 'Animal BBQ' experience. This will be Newkirk's 47th visit to the West Virginia state capital this year alone.

"This is an outrage to animal lovers everywhere," said Newkirk. "This zoo is teaching our children how to lie and deceive animals into subjecting themselves to the dinner table."

The process of lying and deceiving that Ms. Newkirk refers to is part of the zoo's already existing 'Animal Encounters' package, where children can enter the exhibits and help the zookeepers train and feed the animals.

"We decided to include the 'Animal Encounters' package with the 'Animal BBQ' package for various reasons," said Clyde Donovan, a zoo manager. "The biggest reason we wanted to do this was to develop a relationship between the guest and the animal before the slaughtering. This helps the animal trust the guest, which is especially useful if you purchase the deluxe package."

The deluxe version of the 'Animal BBQ' package, priced at $175, lets visitors kill the zoo animal themselves by using a meat cleaver. For an additional $10 on top of the deluxe package, you have the option of choosing how you end the animal's life; using a shotgun, katana, lethal injection and running the animal over with a Jeep are just a few of the options available.

"For children under twelve it's required that they use a .22 caliber rifle," said Donovan. "They won't be strong enough to kill the animal swiftly otherwise and the shotgun might kick a little too hard for them."

Donovan says that families who purchase the package will be able to witness the entire process, from skinning to butchering then cooking.

"We wanted our guests to get the full experience," Donovan said proudly. "They'll be able to enjoy the freshest meat they will ever taste, as well as getting the opportunity to chow down on some animals that might not be around much longer."

Also announced on Monday was the zoo's decision to add many new exhibits of endangered species such as the Siberian Tiger, which brings speculation that the new animals will also be available to slaughter and consume. However, Donovan and Oglebay refused to elaborate any further.

"You'll just have to buy your tickets and see," said Donovan with a wink.

OVN Local Medley Issue #2

• Authorities in Bellaire say that Misty Rivero may have just saved an elementary school from tragedy. Rivero says that when she was dropping off her daughter, she noticed a Muslim man walking down the street. Rivero quickly called police and the man was arrested.

• The Boy Scouts of America hosted their annual Pinewood Derby at the Fort Steuben Mall last Saturday. 9 time winner Eagle Scout Dennis Douglas is now under investigation for using performance enhancing drugs.

• A homicide investigation has been opened in Tuscarawas County after police found a man's body in Conotton Creek. No hard evidence has been recovered yet but police did bring in a 25 pound carp for questioning.

• Wheeling Jesuit University hosted their annual prom dress re-sale event last week. As usual, none of the dresses sold due to the dresses being "so last season."

• Jefferson County commissioners voted this week to buy the downtown Steubenville Towers Building. The purchase was made on ebay for $750,000 plus $36 million for shipping and handling.

• Thomas Gyorko of Glen Dale is behind bars after he got into a fight with a woman over her cell phone. Police say that Gyorko used the phone's battery to bludgeon the woman over the head. Gyorko is being charged with 'assault with a battery'.

• Volunteers in Wheeling organized an event to give out free portraits in Wheeling to 'Share the Love'. Kindergartners from Wheeling Central captured moments for families who could not afford prints.

• Firefighters in St. Clairsville responded to a distress call on Bret Mar Lane on Monday. Authorities say that the firefighters bravely rescued a cat from a 45 feet tall pine tree.

• A Belmont County man is behind bars after being accused of soliciting sex acts from animals. Christopher Harding of Shadyside has been charged with gross and nasty sexual imposition after trying to get a cow to mate with cat.

• The Belmont County sheriff's department is investigating a case in Barnesville after a woman saw a man fleeing her home with her pet goldfish. The woman is offering a reward for any info.

• Weirton police need your help tracking down two men from a surveillance video at Holiday Lanes. The video was from a hidden camera in the bathroom showing the two drunken men stumbling around and peeing on the floor. Police submitted the video to America's Funniest Home Videos where it won first prize. The officers say they want to share the purse with the subjects in the video.

• The Small Business Development Center of Ohio and the Jefferson County Chamber of Commerce jointly held a seminar for local small business to help them better understand new tax laws and regulations. Organizers decided to 'spice things up' and fill the seminar with raunchy sexual innuendo to keep attendees from falling asleep or dying from boredom.

• Desare Bryant, 20, of Wheeling admitted in court to breaking into his own house and stealing various belongings. Bryant has been sentenced to prison for 3 to 45 years.

• The Wheeling-Ohio County Health Department is warning people to be cautious about people going door-to-door selling human meat without a health permit. The Health Department claims that human meat is very fatty and can cause gas when not treated properly.

• Trinity Health System held their annual Heartland event on Thursday at the Fort Steuben Mall. Local residents were encouraged to donate their hearts to people who needed heart transplant surgery.

• Officials in Wellsburg say that there will be a planned water outage on Friday. Residents are being told to use the bathroom in the Ohio River as well as bathe there while they work on the water lines.

• Urichsville police have apprehended 3 people who have reportedly stolen thousands of dollars from Tuscarawas County stores. The 3 are being accused of going store to store taking from the 'Take a Penny, Leave a Penny' dishes.

• Moundsville police are looking for a man who broke into Paree Insurance on Lafayette Avenue. The man broke in and stole the complimentary coffee and Dum-Dums suckers.

• A cement truck overturned on US Route 22 near Wintersville. The cement poured onto the roadway and filled several potholes.

• Crews in Wheeling are working on a building after bricks started falling from it. An emergency demolition has been ordered for the building amid concerns for the safety of the workers in the cocaine ring inside.

Archaeologists Still Determined to Find Dinosaur Fossils Along State Route 7

BRILLIANT - State Route 7 has been reduced to one lane near Brilliant since March of 2011 due to excavation crews working on the hillside. At a recent meeting with the Jefferson County Board of Trustees, researchers from the Smithsonian Institution told frustrated motorists that they would just have to be patient.

"We understand that the project is taking a long time," said Wally Dupree, who is leading the excavation. "But we're out there looking for dinosaur bones, it's not like we can just dig the whole hillside out."

The Smithsonian first arrived in Brilliant two years ago, when a local Boy Scout troop claimed that they discovered an Archaeopteryx fossil. The US government then claimed eminent domain on the hillside and the Smithsonian has been digging ever since.

"We dug up some sandstone on the very first day," Dupree said. "That's a good sign because we've found Spinosaurus and Giraffititan fossils in sandstone before. In fact, we've found sandstone every day since we first began; we have to be getting close."

Local residents have started to express doubt that the researchers will ever find the fossils.

"Them guys up there are just using toothbrushes and little garden shovels and some of them chisel things [sic]," said Rush Run resident Marlon Higgins.

"What the indigenous Valley people don't realize is that we need to be careful," Dupree said in response to the criticism. "We can't risk accidentally breaking one of the fossils."

The dig also came under fire late last year when the supposed Archaeopteryx fossil was discovered to actually be fossilized chicken remains. The Smithsonian still retains that the fossil is in fact an Archaeoptryx specimen after storing in a safety deposit box.

"The government's been covering up stuff like this for years," said Higgins. "They're lying to us so they can charge us more taxes to fund their stupid little dig."

Route 7 is scheduled to reopen to two full lanes in November of this year.

Tim Tebow Traded to St. John Central

BELLAIRE - Call the luck of the Irish if you will, but you cannot deny the negotiating genius of second year head coach Jason Merryman of Bellaire's St. John Central football team. On Saturday, the Irish concluded talks with the New York Jets to trade field goal holder Robbie Dunleavy for quarterback Tim Tebow. Tebow is coming off a terrific year warming the bench for Mark Sanchez and Greg McIlroy, a role he hopes he can perform better at St. John's. Tebow also believes that St. John's will be able to better utilize his Christianity abilities as well, something he struggled with in New York.

"I'm really excited for the opportunity to play for the Irish," said an overjoyed Tebow at yesterday's press conference. "St. John's has its own on-site church, which to me is more important than any other factor right now."

On the other side of the deal sits Dunleavy, who did not show much enthusiasm in playing for Rex Ryan's team. Dunleavy will be taken away from his parents and must now live in an apartment by himself in New Jersey. The 6'9", 117 pound freshman currently struggles with anorexia, and coach Ryan thinks that will be an important factor when Dunleavy makes the transition.

"We're planning on moving Robbie to starting tailback," Ryan told reporters. "He's so skinny that you can barely see him, so we're thinking that he might be able to score a touchdown every time he gets the ball."

The 14 year-old Dunleavy also has complications from a botched heart transplant, which Ryan thinks will also work to Dunleavy's advantage.

"It's going to make defenders scared to hit him if they even see him," Ryan said with a slight grin. "If they hit him too hard then he'll die, and I'm pretty sure [NFL commissioner] Goodell's got a hefty fine for that."

When asked whether or not Dunleavy will even want to play for the Jets due to the heavy odds against him, Ryan said that he doesn't think it will concern him.

"He doesn't understand that," Ryan laughed. "He has autism."

"I'll be praying for him," Tebow said when asked about Dunleavy.

Local Gang Worried that Obama Will Take Guns Hosts Turf War Fundraiser

STEUBENVILLE - Notorious Steubenville gang the Chicago Boys (right) will be taking to the streets today to raise money for their upcoming turf war over Historic North Fourth Street. The neighborhood is currently occupied by two different rival gangs and the Chicago Boys hope to change that by next weekend. Gang leader DeSean Meyers says that membership is up, but they need supplies to accommodate the new recruits.

"Yeah man I ain't never seen nothing like it," said Meyers. "[Every]body wants to join up but we ain't got enough guns or do-rags for everyone."

Unfortunately for the Chicago Boys, gun prices have recently skyrocketed due to increased demand. Meyers and his gang blame the price hike on president Barack Obama.

"I'll tell you what it is," Meyer explained. "It's that damned Obama. He's coming after our guns, man. And when he does, me and the boys will be waiting."

In response to the increased gun prices, the gang will be hosting several fundraisers around Steubenville today.

"We got a lot of people now," said veteran member LaQuinton Bowers. "So many that we can basically have every kind of fundraiser you can think of. There's numerous ways we can choose to earn funds."

The Boys will be hosting a bake sale at St. Peter's Church (left) on North Fourth, where they plan to sell an assortment of brownies and sugar-coated candies.

"That sugar make you real good man," said Bowers. "Real talk. Don't even get me started on them brownies. You'll be happy."

Each bag of brownies will also come with a free bag of Munchies snack mix. Along with the bag sale, the Chicago Boys will be having tag day as well as a rummage sale.

"I've been practicing my best tag day lines to convince people to donate," said Meyers. "Right now my favorite is: 'Give me all the money bitch!' I say that and show them my gun, that way they know where the money's going."

As for the rummage sale, the Chicago Boys will be selling a large collection of glassware. Most of the items will be vases such as the one on the right. Also being sold is a number of herbs and spices, some purses and wallets, assorted music CDs and auto parts such as hub caps.

OVN Local Medley Issue #1

• Kevin Strope, 53, of Cameron pleaded guilty to animal cruelty charges after many of his cows died from malnourishment. Judge Mark Karl decided against banning Strope from owning cows. His privileges will instead be suspended for 80 years, allowing him to own cows again when he breaks the old age record at 133.

• A 2 year-old girl who went missing from Preston County, WV was reportedly found safe at the Washington County shopping center in Pennsylvania. According to reports, the girl was missing for half an hour when police found her with her babysitter at the mall. The girl's mother called police after the babysitter didn't answer the phone when she was at work.

• A string of burglaries continued in Newell, WV this week. Police say that vandals broke in to the abandoned concession stand at Newell Memorial Field. Residents were outraged to learn that the thieves stole a bag of chips fifteen years past expiration.

• A Steubenville man's bond was set at $100,000 dollars after being charged with intimidating a witness. The man, Fred McShan, told reporters that he will raise the money by way of a bake sale.

• Westley Bowling of Toronto was arrested for violating his house arrest. Police say that he left his premises and tried to act like he was helping an 11-year old girl who had been run over by a car. 

• A Wetzel County teacher was suspended for a month without pay earlier this week for not following the school's code of conduct. The teacher reportedly told a student to work on his punctuality instead of screaming at him for being tardy.

• Former Water and Sewer Clerk for Smithfield Katherine Staten was indicted this week after claims that the town's water tasted 'fishy'.

• Catholic Charities of West Virginia said that that they are close to reaching their fundraising goals for their annual Mardi Gras celebration. The charity will provide local poor people a chance to get drunk, gamble and engage in as much 'dangerous' activity as possible just like everyone else celebrating the holiday.

• Police say that Derek Bradshaw and Charles Heathcote were arrested after robbing a home in Bellaire. Investigators say that the homeowner chased the burglars across multiple state lines on foot before police caught up with the group in New Jersey.

• The ringleader of the Amish beard and hair cutting attacks was sentenced to 15 years in prison this week. The aptly named Samuel Mullet will spend more time in prison than some people have for murder, rape, theft and kidnapping. "That will show them," said Judge Dan Aaron Polster.

• Wellsville residents said that they're happy police have shut down a 'nuisance' bar on Main St. Police say that local residents were complaining about the bar playing 'Sweet Home Alabama' on repeat every night.

• The Marshall County Health Department has voted to ban smoking in public outdoor areas. Officials say that they are tired of the fire department being called for false alarms when people mistake the smoke for house fires.

Dillonvale High School Now North Korean Embassy

DILLONVALE - After 32 years of sitting empty, the decaying shell that was once Dillonvale High School (right) has been sold to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK), more commonly referred to as North Korea. The old school building closed after the 1971 school year when the area schools consolidated into the Buckeye Local School District. Like many other buildings in the small town, it has fallen into disrepair from its abandonment. Dillonvale Mayor Shelley Dulesky told OVN that she was contacted by North Korean Premier Choe Yong-rim about purchasing the property.

"They called our office and asked about public property that was for sale," said Dulesky. "I e-mailed them back pictures of the old high school and they responded pretty enthusiastically."

Supreme Leader of the DPRK Kim Jong-un claimed that this purchase is a major victory for the country, improving upon Dillonvale-North Korea relations as it will serve as the country's embassy to the village. Kim expressed hope that his country will be able to work with the government of Dillonvale better than the US State Department.

"The new embassy mirrors the resplendent characteristics of our beautiful nation," said Kim. "Our combined powers will be a force to be reckoned with. Through our partnership we will cement our status as an economic world power."

US Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton warned the small town of 665 people that this 'is a very bad idea'.

"This completely undermines the authority of the federal government," said Clinton. "I called mayor Dulesky to tell her that she was making a mistake but she e-mailed me a picture of her with her thumbs in her ears and sticking her tongue out at me."

Newly appointed Ambassador to Dillonvale Park Young-nam told reporters what he hopes the embassy will accomplish.

"We want to use the school's old science labs to practice our new methods of uranium enrichment," Park said. "There's a ton of old science textbooks in there that we can use to further out knowledge. Another thing we are excited for is the gymnasium, which provides us a ton of space for, uh, experiments on things. It also has a big playground where we can try out our new ICBMs."

North Korea stated that local residents will be allowed to tour the building free of charge, provided that they stay on the premises for at least 25 months.