Usain Bolt Wins Redneck Run

MORRISTOWN - This year's Jamboree in the Hills kicked off in the usual fashion yesterday morning with the traditional "Redneck Run". The sprinting competition is held every morning of Jamboree in the Hills, and showcased some of the finest athletes that the Valley has to offer. Yesterday's winner was not, however, a resident of the Ohio Valley. The race was won by Jamaican Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt, who showed up for the race five minutes before it started. Bolt made it to the stage first, nearly a full minute ahead of second place finisher Billy Ray Hopkins. Hopkins told us that he was humbled by his defeat.

"I tell you what," Hopkins said, "I ain't never seen no person run that fast ever in my life. 'Cept for when ole Harry Rawlings down the road chased that possum out his garden."

The race (right) is being replayed on many sports channels such as ESPN, many of whom are downplaying Bolt's performance.

"If you look closely at the replay footage," says analyst Adam Schefter, "you can see that Bolt isn't weighed down by any blankets or chairs. In fact, he didn't even bring any beer! No one goes to Jambo without beer."

Bolt told us in his post race interview that he wanted to set a new standard.

"Nobody run this race without beer before," said Bolt. "I ran it without beer. I ran it and I won it."

Bolt's prize for winning the race is a full pass to Jamboree in the Hills, and yes, free beer all weekend.