Thursday, June 2, 2011

FBI Brings An End to Leaky BA, the World's Largest Drug Ring

STEUBENVILLE - The FBI revealed in a press conference today that they have finally brought down Leaky BA, the world's largest system of meth labs. The raid was carried out FBI lead investigator Todd Harrison, simultaneously uncovering 13,493 meth labs in various homes across the valley. Leaky BA also used the homes as storage for an enormous amount of crack cocaine.

"It was a really clever operation," Harris told reporters. "They were hiding in plain sight you see. People would call Leaky BA whenever their basement walls would start leaking. Leaky BA would come in and fill the holes in the wall with cocaine."

After the holes in the walls were fixed, Leaky BA would drill in a different kind of hole.

"That's when they dug the tunnels," Harrison continued. "After the leaks were filled in, Leaky BA added on to their 300 mile long nexus of underground tunnels."

The tunnels connected all of the homes that Leaky BA serviced and found suitable areas to build hidden meth labs in each basement.

"None of the homeowners knew about what was going on in their very own homes," stated Harrison. "These guys were good at what they did, and they did it right. Up until now that is."

The FBI first got word of suspicious activity after the death of 'Kenny', as he was known to the valley. However, no records exist of Kenny's real name, birth, or even residence.

"He was a good man with a kind heart," says Sammy Samuelsonston, a Steubenville native. "He always gave a lot to the community. Lots of money, donations, and free meth."

'Kenny' tragically died sometime in the early 2000s. It was the change in management that ultimately led to the fall of the once flourishing empire.

"The donations stopped," says little league coach Don Hawkins. "The new managers bought mansions, hot rods, and hot chicks. They lived it up."

With Leaky BA gone, Steubenville mayor Domenick Mucci revealed a new nickname for the city at the celebratory rigatoni dinner.

"'The City of Murals' was getting old anyhow," said Mucci. "Steubenville will now be known as 'The Meth Free City."


  1. Replies
    1. no shit Sherlock did the bottom give it away where it says FAKE NEWS

    2. Ever heard of "The Onion," Justin? Go Google that, then come back and read these articles. Wait, before you read them, read ALL of the disclaimers on this blog that indicate this is a FAKE news site! Does that clear it up for ya?

  2. Maybe it was the very top that says: "The Valley's best FAKE news source"

    I swear some people should have been aborted.

  3. Thats some funny stuff right there. But, The boys from Leaky BA couldnt cook ramen noodles, so meth would be out of the question.