Local Towns Consolidate For Some Reason

STEUBENVILLE - It was an exciting day for the Valley as five different towns in Jefferson County consolidated to form two new towns. In southern Jefferson County, Rayland, Tiltonsville, and Yorkville merged together to officially be known as YTR. The other new town is a combination of Empire and Stratton, which will be known as The Stratton Empire. While the residents of YTR will hold a new election to determine a mayor, The Stratton Empire will function as a monarchy. The king, King Cletus MDCXIV, will take up residence in Stratton Castle (above), where the town will also function. The king gave a speech to his peasants after his coronation this afternoon.

"Hey ya'll we're one place now," the king exclaimed. "We ain't going to have no problems no more with whatever we had problems with, y'know, because we hold these truths to be self evidence and all!"

After his speech, King Cletus let us past the Royal Guards for an interview.

"Well before we got to be a kingdom we were two places," the king told us. "My sister Mary-Lou lived over there in Empire, and my brother Cletus (now Prince Cletus) lived there too. And my pa, who's another Cletus like my brother and me, he lived over there in that outhouse. But anyhow, everyone thought we were from different places, even though my sister Lorna's my neighbor. So, we thought hell with it!"

Meanwhile, the new town of YTR was having a celebration at Buckeye Local's WWII Memorial Stadium.

"We're awfully proud to host the grand opening of YTR today," said mayor-elect Ralph Custer. "We put up new road signs today (right). There's plenty of free rigatoni for everyone, and we brought 'Kurt James Fun and Games' for the kids."

Unfortunately, bringing in 'Kurt James Fun Games' turned out to be bad plan for the festivities, as the town was quickly overrun by thousands of local children wanting to play on the inflatable activities.

"The kids' parents ate all the rigatoni," Custer told us later. "So we had to shut the party down early before people got angry."

Mix Up Leads to Bloody Firefight Between Police Departments

WINTERSVILLE - A massive firefight erupted along State Route 43 on the border of Wintersville and Steubenville at around 5:30 in the evening and continued until nearly midnight. On one side was Wintersville Police Department. On the other, the Steubenville Police Department. When the gunshots finally came to halt, all anyone could do was stare in bewilderment. That's when Ohio Valley News stepped in to put together the pieces. We talked to Steubenville Police Chief Gordon Franklin to ask what his officers were doing when the shooting broke out.

"Well we were basically running an undercover prostitution sting," said Franklin. "We had a female officer posing as a hooker, and then a white SUV pulled up and grabbed her. We followed the car to Wintersville and made our move there. All of the sudden, a bunch of other cars came around the corner and before we knew it, we were being shot at."

When we talked to Wintersville Police Chief Don Jefferson, he offered up a shockingly similar story.

"Well we were basically running an undercover prostitution sting," said Jefferson. "We had a male officer posing as a client in a white SUV, and he picked up the first hooker he saw. A bunch of cars started following our officer so we moved in and before we knew it, we were being shot at."

The firefight started as a small skirmish until both sides called in for back up. In just under an hour, Wintersville had become a war zone.

"We called in a helicopter," said Jefferson. "But so did they and the two choppers started to fight. We brought in our dogs, but they did too. Luckily, all the dogs did was sniff each others butts and lick the other officers while we were trying to shoot."

The carnage was brought to an end when the local Bloods gang showed up and subdued the officers. It was only then that the police officers realized they were fighting fellow law enforcement. The two departments then turned and arrested the Bloods for assaulting police officers.

"At least at the end of the day we got something right," said Franklin. "We'll be taking steps to make sure this doesn't happen in the future."

In the end, 26 police officers were killed, 59 were wounded, 77 civilians were killed and 85 were injured. In addition, 63 houses were either damaged or destroyed.

"We all lost a lot," said Roy Lucas, a resident of Wintersville. "We could care less about our homes, but they destroyed the Riesbecks's."

The Riesbeck's was being used as a bunker for Wintersville police until the Steubenville cops fired a missile and reduced the store to a pile of rubble.

"I lost my wife and my grandkids," said Lucas. "But worst of all is that now I'm forced to shop at Wal-Mart."

'Retrospective' Grammy Award Issued to Panhandle Cleaning & Restoration

WHEELING - The 53rd Grammy Awards have been over for months, but that doesn't mean that the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (NARAS) can't give out new awards. It was announced today that Panhandle Cleaning & Restoration has won the Grammy Award for 'Best Song in a Commercial' for their local hit We're Gonna Save You. Many local residents were outraged when this afternoon's episode of Judge Judy was interrupted for the sudden announcement. However, when it was revealed that a Grammy Award was coming to a local business, a gigantic standing ovation could be heard across the Valley. In fact, the standing ovation even registered a 3.6 on the Richter scale. Still, the question lingered: Why was the award suddenly issued in the first place? To answer that question, we called George Flanigen, the chairman of the board of the NARAS.

"I was actually just in Wheeling, West Virginia the other day," said Flanigen. "I flew out there to go on vacation at Oglebay Park, and then I heard this wonderful song on the radio. Now, being out in California, I'd never heard this song before and I just had to give it the recognition it deserves."

The unconventional move was praised by music critics all across the internet.

"With most of the awards and nominations going out to Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and Arcade Fire, this song definitely fits the mold for a Grammy," wrote music critic Barty Pistacio. "I can't stop listening to it!"

"A hint of Radiohead, a bit of Bon Iver, and a touch of Animal Collective," read a review from Pitchfork Media. "This is definitely the song that will define our generation."

"The lyrics just speak to me," said Robert Christgau. "We got it down to a science, absolute state of art. That is pure genius."

After the announcement, the song was suddenly certified 55x Platinum in the United States, and amassed a total sales figure of 177 million worldwide. We're Gonna Save You has officially become Panhandle Cleaning & Restoration's main source of revenue. It has also been revealed that a dubstep remix will be released by Skrillex, as well as an auto-tuned version by the Gregory Brothers (famous for their remix 'Bed Intruder Song' with Antoine Dodson). The original version of the song is below.

Snowbird Arrested on Child Molestation Charges

STEUBENVILLE - "Ladies and gentlemen, we got him." These words will forever echo in the halls of the Jefferson County Jail. They were spoken by none other than Sheriff Fred Abdalla, after his department brought in the highest profile child molestation suspect of our time. Snowbird, the infamous pseudo-penguin, was arrested late tonight after he was accused of molesting hundreds of children and raping many elderly people in the Ohio Valley from as early as 1987. He was detained by a sheriff's deputy who spotted Snowbird's vehicle heading north on State Route 7 just south of Steubenville. He was also charged with a count of DUI. When word of the capture broke, the sheriff's department called together a sudden press conference, where the news was made official.

"We have been after him for many years," Abdalla told reporters. "He knew it too, and that had helped him evade us for so long."

The sheriff then showed the media a slideshow and timeline of events using a state-of-the art version of Microsoft PowerPoint. The presentation showed us the unparalleled tactics that the bird used to separate children from their parents.

"He knew how to get kids all alone," said Abdalla. "He would first cancel school so the children would have to stay home. Then, he would wait for both parents to go to work. Sometimes he would stake out a few houses and then cancel school the next day as well, just so he could be sure the area was secure enough for him to get away."

This strategy worked for many years, as Snowbird was a master of keeping the children from telling their parents.

"He told me that if I told my parents, we would never have a snow day again," said Tyler Spokes, a 1996 graduate of Union Local High School who attended the conference. "It worked; don't think any different of me. I was eleven years old. What eleven year old wants to go to school?"

The sheriff's department grew suspicious of Snowbird when he moved from cancelling schools to shutting down other things as well.

"He got greedy," said Abdalla. "He began to cancel things like 'Belmont Senior Services', saying that there would be no meal deliveries for that day. In fact, Snowbird would show up with the meals. It was then that he went on his spree of raping old people."

Snowbird used the same tactic on the elderly, saying that if word got out, the meal deliveries would cease. This proved successful at first, because most of the Valley was oblivious to Snowbird's actions as they would wait for their school district to show up on the never ending 'Snowbird Report'.

"It was getting pretty ridiculous," said Kelly Donacelli, a mother whose children attend Brooke County Schools. "There were literally hundreds of schools and services on the list. We were glued to the t.v. for hours!"

The plan eventually backfired when people began to question why there were so many cancellations in the first place. Evidence also began to stack up after the children would graduate and not worry about school cancellations. Most were coy, while others' stories were dismissed as hoaxes. Still, suspicion built. It was only until yesterday when a major slip up by Snowbird occurred.

"Yesterday, he cancelled a Beatles Concert in Wheeling, a flight from Adena to Margaritaville, and Shadyside Local Schools," Abdalla announced. "We knew he was drunk because Shadyside is on summer vacation. So we called him up on his cell phone and asked him if he'd ever molested children. He told us he did, and also told us about the elderly people as well. That's when we tracked him down."

The arrest was met with intense protest from preteens on Myspace. The vast majority exclaiming their distaste on never having a snow day again. However, there were some people who had a different take on the situation. Indian Creek superintendent Mark Furda posted a tweet on twitter:

"Who the hell is Snowbird?"

2011 Tour de Valley Underway

WHEELING - It's that time of year again, the 2011 running of the Tour de Valley took place early this morning nearly 500 of the world's most talented cyclists departed from downtown Wheeling. The race is one of the most prestigious in the entire world, attracting riders from every continent. The start of the race marked the end of the pre-race festival held annually in Wheeling before the race begins. This year's festival, however, had to be held on a large number of rafts, as the city is still underwater from the McMahon sink flood. That did not stop the event's die hards though.

"I've come to every single festival for the past two years," local resident Moana Jenkins told us. "I brought a couple of my kids with me, but I left my husband at home because he needs to fix my dang clothesline."

The festivities began last weekend, with rigatoni dinners every night, live bands, and carnival food vendors. Legendary recording artist B.E. Taylor even made an appearance, drawing in a record setting crowd of 30. After his show, the riders were introduced, from favorite Alberto Contador to local hero Moondog. The race was delayed early on by controversy surrounding another local rider by the name of Russel 'Rottweiler' Jones for attempting to enter the race riding a 2003 Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Jones told OVN that the rules should be clearer in the future.

"They didn't say nothin' about me bringing a motorcycle in the rulebook," said Jones. "All it said was that I had to bring my own bike. Well this is the only bike I got so what did they expect?"

The race continued on without interruption. The only difference in this year's course from last year's is that the first 10 miles of the race will be held in the left lane of Interstate 70 instead of the right due to road work.

"It makes the race a little more exciting," said event manager David Rutledge. "Aside from dealing with the many other riders, the competitors will have to dodge oncoming traffic at 65 miles per hour."

The race will turn to the north once the riders hit St. Clairsville, run through many back roads until it reaches Steubenville, cross the river to Weirton and finally run down Route 2 into Wheeling. Local residents say they will be helping out the riders as they pass by their houses.

"I know them boys will be thirsty," said Barton resident Lawrence Kipler. "I'm setting up a drink stop where I'll be handing 'em some cold beers as they're passin' by."

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

OVN HEADQUARTERS - Ohio Valley News is proud to announce the launch of our very own Facebook page! Hooray! Visit the link, which is that thing where the words are different colors, for all you non savvy Valley people. Or another thing you can do is click our brand new 'like' button above. You should probably do that now, that way you don't forget. Our page will let you know ahead of time when stories are posted, making things easier for everyone. Be sure to visit the page to keep up to date with all the breaking news in the Ohio Valley, talk to other people who like us too, and let us know what you think! Oh, and be sure to invite your friends and 'share' the page, that way everyone else can stay informed on what's not happening in the Valley.

Eyewitness Account Makes Bigfoot the Main Suspect in Bank Robbery

MARTINS FERRY - As the dust settles after this morning's robbery of the PNC Bank in Martins Ferry, new evidence begins to surface every minute. Police say that a witness (whose identity remains anonymous) gave her description to investigators, and the sketch (left) reveals Bigfoot to be the new main suspect. Police responded to the scene at about ten o'clock this morning, but by that time Bigfoot was long gone. It was reported that Bigfoot got away with over 15 million dollars, just under the total annual income of the city's population combined.

The police brought in artist Brittany Sherman, a 1st grader at Anna Marie Ayers Elementary School, to draw up the sketch from the witnesses' descriptions. Sherman made the breakthrough sketch (right) that lead to the arrest of Michael Pendleton (below the sketch on right) last fall. This is one of the reasons lead police investigator Jerry Kozlowski says he's confident that the department will come through and catch their suspect.

"We've got a whole team together analyzing the surveillance footage," he said. "We'll be working on this as long as it takes."

He then, exclusively for Ohio Valley News, laid out the entire timeline of the robbery and all the clues discovered at the scene.

"Here we see Bigfoot walk into the bank at around 8:15 in the morning," Kozlowski stated as he showed us camera footage. "He does a really good job of not blowing his cover here."

Bigfoot stood at the back of the line, where he waited for nearly half an hour to make his way to the teller.

"Most people lose their temper when the lines are moving as slow as they were today," said Jessica Roper, the teller who greeted Bigfoot. "But not him, he just stood there looking as friendly as ever."

When he made it to the front of the line, however, Bigfoot showed his unfriendly side.

"As we skip ahead in the footage," Kozlowski said as he fast forwarded the surveillance tape. "We see Bigfoot pull out a military issued M4A1 assault rifle and move everyone to the back of the bank."

As the footage rolled on, Bigfoot tied up the witnesses and made his move for the money. His destination, however, was not the vault where the cash was kept.

"Here we see him heading into the management offices," Kozlowski continued. "The locks on these doors require a number password or keycard entry, but he brought along a PDA and cracked into the door."

Bigfoot's PDA, an HP iPAQ (such as the one on the right), was recovered on the scene. Unfortunately for investigators, all data was cleared and the device was useless.

"When he gained access to the offices, well it was easy picking at that point," said Kozlowski.

It was at that time when Bigfoot sat down, hacked into the bank's database and transferred 15 million dollars to an offshore bank account.

"We're obviously dealing with a professional," Kozlowski said. "Our first move is going to be to move in on his last known location."

The last prominent sighting of Bigfoot came in 1967, with the release of the infamous Patterson-Gimli film (still image on left).

"That video was shot in northern California," stated Kozlowski. "So some of the investigators and I will be heading out there tomorrow morning to nab him."

The investigators must wait for the court to issue a search warrant for the forest where Bigfoot lives. Tomorrow morning, the team will set out to make the cross country journey, and they will be well prepared.

"I packed them each a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," said Ruth Kozlowski, Detective Kozlowski's 87 year old mother. "There's also plenty of snacks in there for them to share, and some games for them to play if they get bored."

Clogged Sink Causes Massive Flooding in Wheeling

WHEELING - Despite being months away from flood season, the Ohio River rose up and swallowed Wheeling Island early yesterday morning in what is expected to be the most devastating flood that the region has ever seen. The flood began as water began spewing out of the McMahon residence on South York Street. Unfortunately for the citizens of Wheeling, the McMahons were on a 3 week vacation in Kosovo. Residents became aware of the clogged sink when Ryan McMahon tweeted, "LOL i think i left sink on hahaha." The tweet came a week after the McMahons left the valley, but water began gushing out nearly 5 days beforehand.

"I didn't think anything of it at first," said neighbor Bryan Callahan. "There's always water coming from their house."

"The water started to come out a few days ago," said Dillon Constantin, the McMahons' other neighbor. "It filled up the river, then moved out to the street."

"I was gonna go in and see if I could shut their water off," said Florence Davidson, another neighbor. "But I didn't want to go in without telling them and they weren't answering their phones."

"When I went to bed last night, my bed was on the floor like it usually is," said Ingrid Newcastle, yet another neighbor. "When I woke up this morning my face was a few inches from the ceiling because my bed was floating in the water!"

The water levels continue to rise at this time, as the McMahon residence is now completely submerged, rendering the faucet unreachable.

"FEMA was supposed to send in a group of divers yesterday," mayor Andy McKenzie said. "But I got a call from Janet Napolitano today and she asked me for directions."

Despite the setbacks, the Wheeling city council has looked to other means of handling the situation.

"We found Michael Phelps hanging out with Moondog yesterday," McKenzie told us. "We asked him to swim down into the house this morning and see if he could shut the water off."

When we asked if Phelps (with Moondog on right) had made any progress, McKenzie said that there haven't been any signs.

"He's been down there for about 12 hours," McKenzie said. "But I'm sure he's all right."

In the meantime, tens of thousands of displaced people are being packed into WesBanco Arena.

"WesBanco arena has a capacity of 5,500 people," said Anthony Collins, a janitor in the arena. "We put around 46,000 people inside it. It really shows you what the people of Wheeling can do when we have to."

As a means to keep people content in the arena, the city is hosting a nonstop Bingo tournament. The money made from the event will help sponsor the relief effort for the Japanese tsunami.

Watch Your Speed! Smithfield PD Unveils New Cruiser

SMITHFIELD - The Smithfield Police Department showed off its brand new police car to reporters earlier this afternoon. The car, a 1955 Chevrolet Bel-Air (left), is set to take to the streets of the 1 square mile town starting next week while the police department waits for it to be shipped from India. In the meantime, the streets of Smithfield will remain unpatrolled. Police chief Billy Bobson told us that the town's officers are happy to finally have a car again.

"Most of our officers are pretty out of shape," said Bobson. "Ever since we lost our last two cars, we've had to patrol the streets with scooters."

The police scooters such as the one on the right reached a maximum of seven miles per hour, which isn't anywhere near the speed that the department said it needed to keep the streets safe.

"We've had people going about 40 miles per hour right through the center of town," says Smithfield resident Damien Smith. "How are the cops supposed to catch maniacs like that if they're driving scooters?"

The new police car can reach speeds of up to 65 miles per hour. Though a major step forward for the police, it is still behind where the department used to be. We sat down with legendary Smithfield police officer Luigi, best known as the brother of video game character Mario.

"We used to have a Dodge Intrepid," said Officer Luigi (left). "But it got abducted by aliens a few years ago and they still haven't brought it back."

A warrant was issued for the arrest of the aliens, but police haven't been able to come across any leads to the aliens' whereabouts. The car (below) mysteriously disappeared a few years ago, and even landed a spot on popular tv show 'Unsolved Mysteries'. The case remained open for a few more months until sheriff Fred Abdalla solved it.

"The car just vanished one night," Abdalla said in a 2007 interview. "That was the same night that Donna Jackson told me she saw a UFO in Dillonvale. Does that sound like a coincidence?"

Despite the outstanding warrant and reward for the missing cruiser, chief Bobson told us that the department is looking forward to moving on.

"We just bought a new car," Bobson said. "We'd like to forget about the old one and forgive the aliens if they do come back."

The city council ordered the car off of ebay.com, after seeing the vehicle for sale from Mumbai. Here are some specifications taken directly from the ebay listing:

• Car good, really good car
• Car fast, really fast
• Car American
• Fast shipping, really fast shipping

"I don't know about the 'fast shipping' part," said Bobson. "When we called and asked whether it would be shipped via UPS or FedEx, they just said they were putting it on a raft and paddling it to the coast."

WTOV9 Renewed For 5 More Seasons

STEUBENVILLE - Viewers of the valley's own daytime drama won't have to speculate what happens after last season's cliffhanger ending for much longer. NBC revealed today that WTOV 9, also known as 'News 9', has been renewed for 5 more seasons. Last season ended with series star character Natalie Herbick waiting all alone to hear the verdict in the 'Johnson alimony' case.

"We're really excited to get back to work on the show," said script writer David Donahue. "The show's been running for so many years, but we've managed to keep it fresh."

The show surpassed The Guiding Light last year as the longest running daytime soap opera of all time. Donahue told reporters to expect the unexpected this upcoming season.

"We've got a lot of new elements being added in," he added. "All new plot twists, new characters, deception, romance. It'll really hit home."

Series producer Greg Hamilton told us that they're bringing in writers from other television shows to add to the change in flavor.

"We welcomed aboard Carlton Cuse from 'Lost', so expect some more supernatural themes," Hamilton told us. "We still have most of the same actors. Ian McDooglestein returns as Eric Minor, Reginald Raver is still Kevin Carter. Unfortunately we lost Clayton Upshaw in a tragic sewing accident, so we're proud to introduce Aaron Eckhart as Jeff Oechslein"

Among the new additions to the show are Gary Oldman as a repeat domestic violence offender, Henry Winkler as new anchor Arthur Fonzarelli, and Brian Collins as himself."

Collins will replace sports anchor Rob Metzger after actor Jerry Brown left the show citing 'creative differences'.

"Collins is a good kid," Hamilton stated. "He's got a lot of talent and will fit in well with the show."

For those of you who don't know who Brian Collins is, he made his television debut in 2005 as a sports anchor at Ball State University. Below is a clip of his character in the pilot episode. You can catch the new season starting June 13th at 3 o'clock eastern time.

FBI Brings An End to Leaky BA, the World's Largest Drug Ring

STEUBENVILLE - The FBI revealed in a press conference today that they have finally brought down Leaky BA, the world's largest system of meth labs. The raid was carried out FBI lead investigator Todd Harrison, simultaneously uncovering 13,493 meth labs in various homes across the valley. Leaky BA also used the homes as storage for an enormous amount of crack cocaine.

"It was a really clever operation," Harris told reporters. "They were hiding in plain sight you see. People would call Leaky BA whenever their basement walls would start leaking. Leaky BA would come in and fill the holes in the wall with cocaine."

After the holes in the walls were fixed, Leaky BA would drill in a different kind of hole.

"That's when they dug the tunnels," Harrison continued. "After the leaks were filled in, Leaky BA added on to their 300 mile long nexus of underground tunnels."

The tunnels connected all of the homes that Leaky BA serviced and found suitable areas to build hidden meth labs in each basement.

"None of the homeowners knew about what was going on in their very own homes," stated Harrison. "These guys were good at what they did, and they did it right. Up until now that is."

The FBI first got word of suspicious activity after the death of 'Kenny', as he was known to the valley. However, no records exist of Kenny's real name, birth, or even residence.

"He was a good man with a kind heart," says Sammy Samuelsonston, a Steubenville native. "He always gave a lot to the community. Lots of money, donations, and free meth."

'Kenny' tragically died sometime in the early 2000s. It was the change in management that ultimately led to the fall of the once flourishing empire.

"The donations stopped," says little league coach Don Hawkins. "The new managers bought mansions, hot rods, and hot chicks. They lived it up."

With Leaky BA gone, Steubenville mayor Domenick Mucci revealed a new nickname for the city at the celebratory rigatoni dinner.

"'The City of Murals' was getting old anyhow," said Mucci. "Steubenville will now be known as 'The Meth Free City."

Bellaire Gets Another Movie

BELLAIRE - With the likes of The Silence of the Lambs, tv sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bellaire and last year's Unstoppable, Bellaire is emerging as a new hot spot for Hollywood films. Mayor Vince DiFabrizio told Ohio Valley News today that yet another movie is set to begin filming in the town this summer.


"I got a phone call from Fox Searchlight," the mayor said. "They said that
 they were interested in filming a movie in our town and I told them yes."


The Hills Have Eyes 3 will take place in downtown Bellaire, and will give many people in the town the opportunity to be in another major motion picture.


"We are going all out with this one," says director Wes Craven. "We're going to have a lot of zombies in this one, a lot more than we had in the last two films. The good thing about using Bellaire is that there are a lot of people we can use as zombies. It's a win-win situation because the people are making money, and we are saving money because we won't need much makeup."


Not much information has been released about the film, but it has been revealed that it will star Macaulay Culkin in the lead role. Culkin hopes that the movie will help push him back into the limelight.

"I hope this works out for me," said Culkin. "I've even been living in Bellaire for three years and nobody's even noticed."

Culkin's house (right) will not be used in the movie because director Wes Craven doesn't think that it would fit with the feel of the movie.


"Macaulay's house is much too nice to fit in the film," states Craven. "It's probably the nicest in town and I would like to use the houses on Monroe Street for most of the scenes."

Construction Finishes on Brilliant's First Skyscraper

BRILLIANT - Residents of Brilliant, Ohio welcomed a new building to the town today. The Grand Opening of Burj Brilliant drew in hundreds of people from across the valley. Since Brilliant is actually an unincorporated area and not a real town, it has no mayor. Instead, we contacted Roy Persh, the head of the American Legion, which is the de facto leader of a town.

"It was a great day for the people of Brilliant," said Persh. "We had a big ceremony, everyone was there. Then we had a rigatoni dinner. Rigatoni dinners are a big thing around here."

The building stands at a whopping 2,718 feet, and is an exact replica of Burj Khalifa in Dubai. It has also surpassed that same building as the tallest building in the entire world.

The original name for the building was to be 'Burj Khalifa II', but was changed at the townspeople's behest.

"We didn't want anybody to think that Wiz Khalifa lived there," said Brilliant resident Michael Shearmont.

Persh told our reporters that the building will help get Brilliant on the map.

"We're proud to finally have a recognizable site in our town," Persh explained. "We have the Cardinal Plant, but tourists think it's just another steel mill."

The Cardinal Plant that Persh mentions supplies power to much of the Valley, but with the opening of the tower the power plant will now exclusively provide electricity to Burj Brilliant.

"We don't really even need electricity for the houses anymore," said resident Buster Douglas. "We're going to live inside the tower now."

Burj Brilliant has 177 floors, all of which are being used to house Brilliant's entire population.

"There's plenty of space for everyone," Persh mentioned. "Even though the entire town has moved inside, we've only filled up about half of the apartments in it."

Despite all the attention that the town is receiving, there are still some people who were opposed to the building's construction.

"I hate the stupid thing," says Fred Driscoll. "I live in Rush Run and I can see that thing up over all the hills. You can't even take a picture of the town and get the whole thing in the frame."

"It's terrible," says Brilliant resident Amanda Crewson. "It casts a great big shadow over my house and so it's always dark. Plus I don't have electricity because of it. I don't want to move there either so I guess I'll just move to Smithfield or something."

Despite the minor objections, construction continued on unchallenged. The only problem concerning the tower is filling up the empty space.

"The doors are open to anyone who wants to live here," says Persh.

Brilliant offered up a special invitation to the people in the nearby town of Mingo Junction to move in as well. If they accept, Mingo Junction itself would effectively disappear from existence.

"Nobody wants that town anyhow," stated Persh.

Buckeye Local Receives Cease and Desist Order Over New Logo

RAYLAND - Mark Miller, superintendent for the Buckeye Local school district, says that the school board was sent a cease and desist order concerning their new logo. The letter was sent from Anheuser-Busch Companies, Inc. and claims that if the school does not change their logo, legal action will be taken. The logo (left) was unveiled at Buckeye Local High School's annual "Last Day of School" party, where students watch movies and play video games all day. 


"The new logo represents the new decade," said Miller. "Our sports teams haven't been doing well, our levy failed twice. It was time for a new look for the school." 


Unfortunately, the new logo could mean less money for the school's already struggling budget.


"We plan to keep the logo," Miller stated. "If they take us to court...well it won't really be much of a case because our logo looks nothing like Anheuser-Busch's."


The logo on the right is that of Anheuser-Busch. William Stokes, a student at Buckeye Local, believes he sees enough similarities between the logos to understand the company's argument.


"Well you see, that logo is a letter," Stokes said. "The letter 'A' comes right before the letter 'B' and the letter 'B' is in our logo. We are also the Panthers, and they're the Eagles. They're both animals."


When Ohio Valley News contacted Anheuser-Busch, they said that the dispute was not over the logo for the company itself, but for the brand 'Bud Light', which is owned by Anheuser-Busch.


Ohio Valley News went to nearby school district Steubenville City Schools to see what students there thought of the situation.


"Psh, rednecks," said senior student Stephon Taylor.