Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Record Number of Buckeye Local Students Sorted Into Gryffindor



RAYLAND - Following the school district's annual midyear sorting ceremony, Buckeye Local superintendent Mark Miller says that this year's freshman class includes a larger-than-usual number of Gryffindors.

"100 percent of them actually, but we have faith in the Sorting Hat," Miller said. "In the end, no matter which House the student is assigned, they all get the same old-fashioned Buckeye Local education."

Students at the high school say that they're glad the ceremony is finally over.

"I was bloody nervous," student Isaac Martin said. "Dad was a Gryffindor and me mum was a Hufflepuff. My elder brother caused a kerfuffle when he joined up with those Slytherins, he's a right dodgy chap, mind you. I'm a Gryffindor now, so now I can focus on my studies."

Martin said that the large number of classmates that were sorted into the same house will help him study more efficiently.

"Transfiguration is mental, I tell you," he said. "I hadn't had it so bad in primary. But now I have all these fellow Gryffindors to study with. I'll need that for Potions and Divination, codswallop if you ask me."

Tanisha Gibson, a transfer student from Steubenville Big Red, said that the Sorting Ceremony left her frightened and confused.

"I just started here like last week," she said. "I've never heard of any of these classes these people are teaching here. Then today they put that hat up on my head and it started talking. I [expletive] you not, that hat started talking."

Gibson then left the building, vowing never to return.

"No, I'm never, ever setting foot in that place again," she said.

Martins Ferry School District superintendent Dirk Fitch told Ohio Valley News that he is embarrassed for his old friend, Miller.

"I would just like to let the Ohio Valley know something very important," he said. "This is what happens when you don't pass your school levies."

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