"We're wasting too much taxpayer money on these scumbags," Kasich said. "We have to cut back our spending, so in order to receive their money, they'll have to win it on live television."
Each affiliate will host its own version of the show. The Wheeling-Steubenville television market will be broadcast from Bellaire. Kasich said that the program will be divided into three rounds as he screened a pilot episode featuring the show's first winner, Katy Rodgers of Neffs.
"The first round is called 'Why Don't You Get A Job?'" Kasich said. "Each contestant will go on-air and explain why they aren't working. Whoever gives the worst excuse is eliminated."
Ms. Rodgers advanced to the next round after explaining her difficulties with finding employment.
"This young lady could not get a job because of her liberal-arts degree," said Kasich. "She obviously decided to better herself by getting an education, so she moves on. Let me point you to someone who does not get a handout."
The contestant eliminated first was Marcus White from Sardis.
"Mr. White has four children, one of whom has autism" said Kasich. "He's trying to game the system by getting money to 'take care of his children'. Having kids to take care of is an immediate disqualification. If you can't get a job, why would you have kids?"
The second round began with a video clip of White returning home to his pathetic, starving family. In a phone interview with OVN, White claims he was one of the last employees to be laid off from Ormet, and that his kids were born before he lost his job. It was pretty pathetic.
"This part gets the contestants motivated," Kasich said with a smile. "Anyhow, the next round is the drug test. I'm betting it'll be a fan favorite."
During the drug test, participants must pee in a cup while the cameras are rolling.
"That way you all at home will know that your hard earned money certainly won't be going into any drug addict's pockets," said Kasich. "There will be six contestants left by this point, but we have to narrow it down to just two for the final round. Statistically, only 17 percent of people receiving unemployment test positive for drugs. Naturally, they'll have to pass a lie detector test."
Kasich claimed that if that doesn't get the number down to two, contestants will be eliminated randomly.
"That's life for you," he said. "You have to prepare for the worst."
The final round is simply determined by the viewers.
"It's your tax money, so we'll let you decide who gets the money," said Kasich. "In our test episode we awarded the runner-up a couple of food stamps. Ms. Rodgers won the jackpot, admittance to our state welfare program."
Most people in the Ohio Valley have responded favorably to the new program.
"This looks like so much fun," said Daniel Hersh via email. "It kind of makes me want to lose my job. I would absolutely love to live on welfare."
The show will begin broadcasting next Monday at 6 p.m., following News 9 Live at 5.
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