Wheeling Intelligencer Accidentally Publishes Newspaper in Wingdings

WHEELING - The launch of the Intelligencer's new format (right) was plagued by a single oversight: it was published in Wingdings. Apparently, nobody in the newsroom realized that the mistake even happened, and thousands of readers across the Ohio Valley were delivered a newspaper that they could not understand. Ogden Newspapers President Robert Nutting, also owner of the Pittsburgh Pirates and Seven Springs Mountain Resort, said that he doesn't think that the misprinting is that big of a deal.

"Well technically it's still written in English," he said. "If you go through and type out each individual key in Microsoft Word, you'll be able to make a cipher that you can use to decode the paper. It'll be something that you can enjoy doing with your family!"

Although Nutting assured readers that the mistake was relatively minor, several subscribers voiced their displeasure.

"So first we get that Coke commercial during the Super Bowl and now we get this," said Wheeling resident Abdullah Rahad Ahmed Al-Najibullah Omar Roberto Sanchez Toriyami Yamaguchi. "I thought this was America."

Several elderly people began rioting in the streets of downtown Wheeling because they lost their minds, according to health professionals at East Ohio Regional Hospital. Nutting said that if people wanted to read the stories, they were still available.

"You can see them all online!" he said as a mob of retirees set fire to his car. "I don't understand why they can't just get on a computer."

Unfortunately for Nutting and the Intelligencer, the riots knocked out internet service in Wheeling, causing many of city's teenagers to join in on the commotion. It also caused employees at Wesbanco to get more work done than they ever had done before.