Provident Man Wins 35,000 Pounds of Milk

PROVIDENT - 55-year-old John Doe was shocked to hear that he was the lucky winner of United Dairy's Winter Harvest Sweepstakes. The prize was 35,000 pounds of milk delivered right through his front door. United Dairy spokesperson Brenda Witherspoon says that the company wanted to really surprise Mr. Doe.

"If you've ever watched the Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes, they like to just knock on the door," said Witherspoon. "But they have a huge entourage with vans and people with balloons. You can see that from a mile away. I assure you that Mr. Doe did not see this coming."

She also said that the move was inspired by the mascot for another famous beverage.

"Remember the Kool-Aid commercials?" asked Witherspoon. "Everyone was so excited whenever he would burst through the walls. Didn't you always wish that would happen to you?"

Apparently, Mr. Doe did not wish for that to happen.

"They better pay for the damage," he said. "They could have killed me, plus there's a giant hole in my house and it's freezing out."

Witherspoon says she doesn't know why he's so upset.

"We're letting him keep all that milk!" she exclaimed. "That's like giving him 20 thousand dollars. But I do hope he's a fast drinker. It all expires next week."