'Retrospective' Grammy Award Issued to Panhandle Cleaning & Restoration

WHEELING - The 53rd Grammy Awards have been over for months, but that doesn't mean that the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (NARAS) can't give out new awards. It was announced today that Panhandle Cleaning & Restoration has won the Grammy Award for 'Best Song in a Commercial' for their local hit We're Gonna Save You. Many local residents were outraged when this afternoon's episode of Judge Judy was interrupted for the sudden announcement. However, when it was revealed that a Grammy Award was coming to a local business, a gigantic standing ovation could be heard across the Valley. In fact, the standing ovation even registered a 3.6 on the Richter scale. Still, the question lingered: Why was the award suddenly issued in the first place? To answer that question, we called George Flanigen, the chairman of the board of the NARAS.

"I was actually just in Wheeling, West Virginia the other day," said Flanigen. "I flew out there to go on vacation at Oglebay Park, and then I heard this wonderful song on the radio. Now, being out in California, I'd never heard this song before and I just had to give it the recognition it deserves."

The unconventional move was praised by music critics all across the internet.

"With most of the awards and nominations going out to Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and Arcade Fire, this song definitely fits the mold for a Grammy," wrote music critic Barty Pistacio. "I can't stop listening to it!"

"A hint of Radiohead, a bit of Bon Iver, and a touch of Animal Collective," read a review from Pitchfork Media. "This is definitely the song that will define our generation."

"The lyrics just speak to me," said Robert Christgau. "We got it down to a science, absolute state of art. That is pure genius."

After the announcement, the song was suddenly certified 55x Platinum in the United States, and amassed a total sales figure of 177 million worldwide. We're Gonna Save You has officially become Panhandle Cleaning & Restoration's main source of revenue. It has also been revealed that a dubstep remix will be released by Skrillex, as well as an auto-tuned version by the Gregory Brothers (famous for their remix 'Bed Intruder Song' with Antoine Dodson). The original version of the song is below.