STEUBENVILLE - In a true display of the desolation of humanity, the No Child Left Behind orphanage in downtown Steubenville burned to the ground last night. Ohio Fire Marshal Larry Flowers said that arson was the likely cause."We found several signs that lead us to believe that one or more accelerants were used," said Flowers. "Only the worst kind of person would burn down an orphanage. All those children would be dead if not for that boy."
Indeed, the orphans owe their lives to one unlikely hero...Steubenville football player Ma'Lik Richmond.
"We were at a party last night celebrating our win against JFK," said coach Reno Saccoccia. "Next thing I know, over the loud music and debauchery, I heard screaming and I saw the fire. Then I saw Ma'Lik running towards it."
Fire crews were already outside the blaze, as were several news outlets (Ohio Valley News among them), when Richmond arrived at the scene, and they told him that there was no chance to rescue the children.
"We mustn't lose hope!" Richmond urged the firemen as he kicked the door to the building down and stormed the foyer, still wearing his football uniform.
Minutes later, he emerged from the building carrying three orphans on his shoulders. Still, the firemen urged Richmond to not re-enter the building.
"You've done all you can," said Pete Miller, a 19-year veteran of the fire department. "The whole thing's coming down!"
Richmond seemed undeterred.
"There's still more children inside!"
Without a second thought, Ma'Lik Richmond ran back into the inferno. When he exited the second time, he had a child under his arm, another on his shoulders, and five more on a makeshift sled that he pulled with his free hand.
"That's all of them," Miller told Richmond. "Now stand aside so we can put this thing out!"
However, one of the children tugged on Richmond's now torn and burnt football jersey.
"Mr. Waffles is still inside!" the little boy cried hysterically.
"Mr. Waffles?" asked Richmond curiously.
"Our puppy!" said another child.
Richmond lifted the little orphan boy's head gently from under his chin.
"You must stay strong child," he said softly.
However, after Richmond entered the third time, the building came crashing down around him after five minutes. This morning, as the fire marshal sifted through the rubble, Richmond's body was discovered curled into the fetal position.
"When we found him, he was twitching slightly," said Marshal Flowers. "We thought he might still be alive, but he had no pulse. That's when we discovered the golden retriever puppy."
The fire marshal determined that as the building collapsed, Richmond curled himself into a protective ball, thus sacrificing himself for the orphan children's dog.
"Mr. Waffles!" the little orphan boy shouted as the puppy leaped into his arms, licking his face.
In Richmond's honor, Flowers stood atop the rubble and gave a speech of lamentation to a large crowd that had gathered at the scene.
"Ma'Lik Richmond," he said. "Let this be a testament to the fact that no matter what actions you have partaken in, no matter your achievements or accomplishments, you will always be remembered in our hearts as something beyond that. In the Ohio Valley, you will always be remembered as 'The Steubenville Rapist'."
