OHIO COUNTY, W. Va - Police say that the Ohio Valley has a new heroine this morning after 45-year-old Sharon Arnett (right) broke the world record for drunken driving. Arnett apparently had a blood-alcohol content three times higher than Anakin Skywalker's midi-chlorian count. Sheriff Pat Butler told reporters that it's times like this that make him proud of West Virginia."I'm just swelling with pride," he said. "I know it's technically illegal but I'm not exactly one for all that legal mumbo-jumbo. She drove her vehicle better than half my deputies drive their cruisers."
Arnett was pulled over in Triadelphia, driving an M1A2 Abrams main battle tank (example left). Inside were numerous bullet proof vests, rocket launchers and assault rifles. Butler said that, according to the 2nd Amendment, Arnett is allowed to drive a tank on the roads and her concealed-carry license is more than enough documentation for her arsenal."My main worry is for public safety," he said. "I hope you don't publish the fact that she has a concealed-carry permit. Someone might try to rob her because of that."
Butler, famous for his "public record is private information" logic, says he will award Arnett with the coveted West Virginia Metal of Valor.
"It takes extreme bravery to drive a tank drunk," he said. "She deserves recognition for that. She is a true West Virginian."
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