Di Carlo's Speeds Orders by Not Cooking Food

WHEELING - Di Carlo's Pizza announced today that customers can expect their pizzas to be ready for pickup or delivery in just under 30 seconds due to their revolutionary new method of preparing their food. President Toni DiCarlo says that starting next week, none of the food on the menu will be cooked.

"We sat down and evaluated the entire process from the bottom up," said DiCarlo. "We found that nearly 90 percent of the wait time for our food comes from the cooking process, so we decided to cut that part out."

The move will also save a large amount of money for the company by using less power from the ovens, as well as cutting down on costs associated with maintenance. Profits are expected to double as twice the amount of orders can now be processed. The new look (left) gives the already original pizza a new unique attribute.

"This will be the only place in the valley where you can order uncooked food," DiCarlo continued. "We didn't feel that the square shape and cardboard flavor was enough, so the move only felt like the right one."

Preview tastings were held at various Di Carlo's locations throughout the valley, and so far the public reaction has been overwhelmingly positive.

"The new pizza's great!" said Tiltonsville resident Wally Wonka. "It tastes exactly the same as it did before and they made it a bazillion times faster!"

DiCarlo also said that with the new influx of business, the franchise will introduce a new variety of foods that will also skip the cooking process. The new menu items will include wings, hamburgers, meat loaf and sausage.