Harrison County Unveils 'Pool House Courtroom'

The new courtroom, with a sauna in the east wing.

CADIZ -- After torrential downpours caused water to completely flood the Harrison County Courthouse, county officials decided to overhaul the building and install the state's first ever pool house courtroom.

"Going to court can be an incredibly stressful experience," Harrison County commissioner Dale Norris said. "So to take the edge off, we thought it would be prudent to make our courthouse into a five-star resort. We already have the water."

The new courthouse comes complete with a Hooters poolside bar and grill as well as an Asian massage parlor and sauna.

"It's going to make our jobs so much easier," Harrison County prosecutor Michael Washington said. "Arguing cases is a whole heck of a lot easier when you've got a clear mind."

Not all members of the Harrison County judiciary system were pleased with the information, however. Sheriff Ronald Myers shared a shocking revelation in an interview with Ohio Valley News.

Sheriff Myers, who can't swim.

"I can't swim," Myers said. "I don't know why, I just never could. I tried taking lessons but the instructor turned out to be Czechoslovakian drug lord who sold me to a bakery in Atlanta. That's a story for another time. Anyway, I've been scared of the water ever since."

Commissioner Norris said that the county knew about Myers' challenges with aquatics, and has a plan to deal with it.

"We're going to get him a pair of floaties," he said, holding back laughter. "I mean, first we'll have to get a levy passed to raise taxes by 0.0001 percent, which will be one heck of a challenge, but we'll make it happen."

New Stop Sign in Cadiz is Only a Suggestion

via Google Street View

CADIZ - The intersection of Industrial Park Road and Grant Street in Cadiz has been the location of several car accidents. Cadiz officials recently placed a 'stop suggestion' sign on the intersection. Cadiz police chief Ryan McCann says that the sign is meant to make people drive safer while not necessarily getting on their nerves.

"We don't want people to think that we're assholes or anything," said McCann. "But people should stop there instead of blindly driving through it."

Residents say that car accidents in Cadiz are particularly devastating due to the types of vehicles being driven there.

"There's only two or three types of cars here," said Wally Custard. "There's coal trucks and then there's pickup trucks. It makes one hell of a noise when those things collide."

Custard said that he thinks it's nice of the town to allow citizens the flexibility to decide whether they want to stop or not.

"If you're in a hurry I say go for it," said Custard. "But you really should consider the sign's advice."

Cadiz officials say they plan on putting up more 'suggestion signs' all across town, including suggested routes to Steubenville or New Philadelphia and traffic lights that also give you the option to pass through them if you want.